Relationships


Harmony surprised me with Tappanyaki and re-runs of The Family Guy last night for our 10th month anniversary.  It was the coolest anniversary I’ve ever had!

She surprised me.  …which is surprising because normally I’m the one that does all the surprising.  So I was pleasantly surprised!  She dressed up smokin’ hot and wore heels that “click-clacked”, as the host who greeted us (an knew us) put it, across the floor.  Click-Clack heels are hot!  She knows that I dig ‘em ;)

…and she has effectively placed herself in the top ranks of “coolest chick ever!” in my book!  …again.  …that clever little vixen.  Somehow she just always knows how to do something that makes me not care about anything she does that’s obnoxious, needy, pain-in-the-ass, or just overall girly for several weeks!

I’m eating the left-overs for lunch right now.  Double score!

“What?”

She really asked the question in title. Harmony and I were walking toward her work and she casually tossed that out, in concern. “Baby, do I look like a ‘butch’?”

“What? Who said you look like a ‘butch’?” I asked.

“Some ‘friends’ from Toa Alta.”

She put the correct emphasis on friends. What the hell kind of friends say that?

“Baby, you’re hot. You definitely don’t look like a ‘butch’.” I paused for a moment to let the point sink in. “You have been dressing slightly ’sporty spice’ as of late, though.”

To the last comment, Harmony got pretty defensive and tossed out a bunch of reasons why she was wearing comfortable sports bras and the like of the “sporty spice” look. All of which were great reasons. I don’t really care. I wasn’t insulting her; just pointing out a trend. I assured her that I wasn’t making anything of it and double assured her that she didn’t look like a “butch.”

She continued, “Besides, every time they saw me I was dressed hot but they still call me a lesbian and think that I’m a ‘butch’.”

I pondered it for a second. “…well I do think that if you were a lesbian, you would definitely be the ‘guy’.”

“What?!”

“What?” I said, defending my remark, shrugging my shoulders. “You’re just not all that fragile, or-” I was going for the word “dainty” before she interjected.

“I can be fragile! …and, and-” She was going for some synonym of “dainty” as well; I believe.

“Baby, stop. There’s nothing wrong with being strong and confident. I’m just pointing out what I think. I would probably swing both ways.” I said, referring to myself. “It’s hard to say. I’m a little ‘metro’ I suppose. Depends on the guy I guess…”

“I never want to have this conversation again.” She said, with a slight hint of remorse.

“What?” I replied. What?

I love this girl; you know? I love her dearly and think she’s the best girlfriend I’ve ever had the delight of sharing life with. …but sometimes she is just so god-damned unbearable! I can’t even put my finger completely on it. I can’t identify it. I think part of it has to do with the fact that she’s 20, and acts like a 20 year old. (…and will never admit when she’s wrong [unless you smash your head against the wall and bleed a little. or just jump off the building. she might admit it then; when you're half way down.] …and thinks it’s cute to say “I love you, frustrated.” instead of addressing the real issue [read: continue the conversation])

…but I don’t really know what that means. It could be more character than anything, but I think she has amazing character. Sometimes I just think she does things (nope… I know) that are just, well, dumb. …I suppose. …or immature. …or, maybe, just plain stubborn!

Two glasses of wine (okay, three) at dinner last night, and I look right past it ;) I just don’t care. …I wasn’t really too keen on that solution though. And briefly mentioning it (damn that wine!), I know that she understands. Being in a relationship where all conflict has ceased is not a good thing at all. Someone has quit. They just don’t care anymore. Deep down inside, they really want to throw you out of the window or go drinking with their boys, and that’s not really healthy. (the throwing you out the window part. …not so healthy for you at least.)

I love her and I know this because sometimes I want to run circles around the room in frustration, waving my arms, and blowing steam out of my ears. …because I love you so much that it drives me nuts the way this conversation (or lack there of) is going.

The wine sure as hell helped last night though! Wow.

Really!  It’s 11:30 at night.  My first alarm goes off at 5:40 am.  My oh-shit-your-ass-should-be-in-the-shower-already alarm goes off at 6:00 am.  I don’t want to go out to eat.  …again.

But that’s not even where the real frustration is, darling!  Let’s skip through some context and fast forward a bit.

-break-

Her face was flushed, with that stupid squirmy look in her eye, “What are you doing?  …Don’t do that.” She said, dragging out the that; trailing off on guilty pleasure.

“You put my hand there!” I said, astonished.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to get hot.”

This back and forth went on for a bit.  The word hot carries a few extra translations for her.  I’m still perplexed.  “…you put my hand there!” I re-emphasized.  “Alright.  Let me go.”

“No.” She replied, without skipping a beat.

“What?”  I must be stupid.  My guy-ness just must not be able to see the logic in this.  “Let me go, babe.  I need to roll over on this thing.”

“No.  I want you hear.”

“But you told me not to touch you.”

“So…”

“What?”  Again, I’ve just realized that being guy just means you can’t understand them.  With much effort, I found away to break free of her clench.

“Baby!” She said, protesting.

“Oh my God!  Good night.”

“Yes, dude.  I get it.  No really.  I fucking get it!  …you had no clue that sleeping with her would cause her to be so ‘attached’.  Yada, yada, shut your mouth!  Let’s talk about something else.”

Words that were never spoken besides through the corridors of my brain.

It’s ridiculous though.  We’re all there for our friends right?  Certainly.  But if you know how the story ends…?  And you made it clear as night to them before the story began…?  And you KNOW that they knew it too…?   I just don’t want to hear it.  Thanks for the coffee.  Now shut the fuck up.

Here’s a pre-relationship rule:  If you sleep with her damn near on the regular, she’s over at your house five out of seven nights a week, and she looks at you with caring eyes… You guys are going to be “attached.”  Deal with it.  It’s what happens.  That’s what you get for jumping in.  I don’t care about your ex, or what you told her, you’re just silly for stringing her along and tagging this girl at the same time.

Smart guys don’t do that.  Smart guys understand that one woman is already too big a handful when you add up monetary, mental, emotional, time, and responsibility demands.  Smart guys go about their lives with…

Well there are actually no smart guys.  And if there were, we’d never admit to it ;)

Regardless, though; quit your bitching.  I’m about to gag on the late you just bought me.

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